Public Humiliation Ritual

Smile and wave, Cuck, smile and wave

Save a wedding done in a Traditional Christian Church, almost all weddings in America are a dumb and pointless waste of money. A day little girls dream about, and which they ended up stressing over; stress which is caused by how to make the guests happy. Most weddings in America today are spectacles; complete with jokes, pranks, and other shenanigans which serve as a public humiliation ritual of the poor bastard that marries the woman evil enough to turn him into a laughingstock in front of, God knows how many, guests… surely a marriage that starts off like this can’t go wrong right?

But first, in most cases, is it actually a public humiliation ritual of the groom? Surely the woman can be the butt of any joke? The nerve of some people to dream of laughing at a princess in her white dress on her wedding day; a dress which is almost always inappropriately worn anyway. A quick Google search will confirm the unbelievable… the Bride is never the butt of the joke (shocking, I know). Now that you all have shaken off the shock, here’s what Google came up with after being given the same prompt, only changing “bride” and “groom.”

If I didn’t already have two more pictures than I prefer to in essays, I would add the “corporate wants you to find the difference between these two pictures” meme… it is rare one comes across quite as perfect a case as this to whip it out.

But in all seriousness, this is fucking absurd. Nearly everything, save the “Bouquet” swap, is a prank in which the Groom is the butt of the joke and the bride is either an active participant or an observer. It is simply unthinkable to mess with the Bride, after all, she may just throw a hissy fit.

I was unfortunately reminded today that there are people evil and retarded enough to plan the “first look” prank. For those unawares, this prank involves blindfolding the groom, and preparing him to see his beautiful bride for the first time, just to turn around (or be kissed on the cheek or hugged, etc.) and behold one of his groomsmen (usually the best man) standing there in a wedding dress while a photographer laughs and the event is made into memories for the happy couple to look back on.

Now, I did not have such an experience at my wedding; my bride and everyone at the wedding knew better than to do such nonsense. But what groom in their right mind would laugh at such a thing? I, for my part, would probably beat the one donning the dress into a pulp and left the wedding (to the shock of the guests and the dominatrx bride) for several reasons: First, it’s fucking gay and no faggot is a friend of mine; second, fuck you for trying to make a public joke out of me in the name of the spectacle that is the modern “wedding.” But no, we don’t see that kind of reaction very often. More often then not, the Groom laughs it off like it’s normal. In a better world, even just one hundred years ago, it would have been cause for a brawl; closer to two hundred years ago, you may have caught a bullet.

But it gets more extreme, don’t you worry you dickless puppets. Far from just seeing your best man in drag, you may get to put your mouth a cunt hair away from his balls as you grab the garter with your teeth. Who thinks of these things? Only the feminist woman. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.

Feminists want men humiliated. What better way to kick off their marriage than by making sure their boys are put in their proper place?

Now, neither the men or women who participate in these weddings ought to be married or respected, and I suppose we can all laugh at this for the feminist clown show it is; but it makes me mad for the men that go through this. They feel some obligation to not get mad on their wife’s special day. They shouldn’t. The twenty grand the daddy of the bride spent on that wedding should be pissed down the drain by the humiliated groom. Beat the drag queen into a bloody pulp, go home and drink and laugh knowing that the guests showed up for nothing; if the “wedding” was supposed to be a spectacle, what better ending to the show than a surprise no one expected? And maybe, just maybe, you may be lucky enough to have the bride’s dad show up angry for the dishonor done his daughter and family; and maybe you’d get to be the lucky duck who gets to beat the shit out of the man who would raise such feminist scum of a daughter.

Seriously though, pranks have no place in a wedding, it is not a joke or a spectacle made to amuse guests. The fact they are there is proof of a dying civilization where a sacrament has been turned into a dominatrix porno. We should start being honest and put the bride in black leather.

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Don’t marry this type of woman.

Sincerely,

John, Son of Dick