54 Comments
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Patrick Hearse's avatar

Quirky weddings are a plague. Honestly I think gay marriage is partially to blame for this. I have no proof but a "fun quirky wedding" seems like something the faggots would invent.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Yeah. It’s probably connected to the lack of real meaning of gay marriage, which corrupted the whole marriage institution from a purely secular perspective and made it all into a big joke. I can’t imagine even secular weddings in the 1920s being so retarded; maybe they were, but I can’t imagine they were.

Jason McGinty's avatar

I thank God I was already Orthodox before getting married, and that the Church has very well-defined wedding rites that don't leave much room for such nonsense. And that I married a woman who would never pull that kind of crap.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Yeah, I wish I was Orthodox before getting married. I’m just very glad my parents always had a hyper-traditional marriage and my wife was good enough to not participate in that kind of stuff.

Orthodox weddings are so different from the normie weddings we see; it actually feels like it matters.

Lord Stompy's avatar

I've been Ortho for a few years. Sadly I grew up in a hippie shitlib family and it was only when I was in my late 40s I became Ortho. I now wish I'd been Ortho all my life

Ashton's avatar

Your indignation, though well-founded, is an endless cornucopia of entertainment for me. You’re absolutely correct in your assessment, and the language you use to drive home the point is hilarious. Keep up the good work.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Sometimes you gotta just vent with a bottle of number 7; occasionally it will work out in your favor.

Amanda Kennemore's avatar

I am helping to plan a wedding in the family (not my own.) Some more current wedding norms are:

*Sexy wedding dresses (cleavage down to the belly button, backless, slits to the upper thigh, corsets on the outside, see-through bodices, etc. It’s difficult to find dresses without these elements)

*Couples writing their own vows

*Saying their wedding vows to one another in private

*Pre-ceremony activities (e.g. first looks and photos) putting the couple several drinks in by the time the ceremony starts

*No children allowed

*I even saw a cake topper with the bride and groom doing it

Maranatha

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Lord have mercy, that’s absolutely ridiculous. Why can’t people just be normal?

NatSocToday's avatar

On point!

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Thanks my friend!

Frank Zee's avatar

Because fornication and shacking up are so common, the wedding isn’t celebrating anything special in particular. Since it’s meaning has been hollowed out, something must replace it. We all worship something… in this case, if it’s not marriage, it’s the zeitgeist.

Ryan's avatar

I actually recommend fornicating

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Well, I recommend shutting up.

Ryan's avatar

Ok. Just give my regards to Papa Dick.

Five Pines To The North's avatar

I've never seen these before at a wedding. It sounds stupid tbqh. It probably all started with the shoving of the cake in the face prank where the bride and groom go to feed each other the first piece of wedding cake but then they shove it in each others faces. That was the only joke thing i've ever seen at a wedding and i always thought that was stupid too. I would never shove cake in my groom's face and i hope he wouldn't do that to me either. Modern weddings are retarded money pits. Who says you have you have a best man and maid of honor? Who says the best man and maid of honor have to make a speech? Who says you have to have a dj? Why can't it just be a normal party but a bit more formal dress? Why are they all the same: overly curated to the last detail?

Lord Stompy's avatar

This is the best write up on modern weddings I've read hands down. Thank you so much. 15 years ago I had to tolerate the farce of my younger brothers marriage to some bimbo who divorced him after 2 years. My whole family are shitlib retards. After a life of their horseshit I quit speaking to them 10 years ago.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Appreciate it brother!

That’s a damn shame. Dealing with such modern times is a hard life for an Orthodox Christian. God bless you!

Lord Stompy's avatar

Keep up the good work

glof's avatar

If my wife did any shit like this on our wedding day she would be wearing the cake

And the champagne, and the meal, ans the guests' meals, she'd be a walking high school lunchroom cafeteria trash can

You want a spectacle, that's one for you

HamburgerToday's avatar

The phrase ' wife's special day' suggests it's not a 'special day' for the husband-to-be.

Hmm.

glof's avatar

Wife's special day turned into husband's special night, at least in an era before rampant premarital sex

Jasper MacLeod's avatar

I don't know how a fake arrest is in any way "fun." That sounds like a waking nightmare.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Humiliation ritual is the only explanation.

That, and the degradation of weddings to mere spectacle put on for the fans (guests).

ApollonianVril's avatar

Everything has to be a joke in clown world. Sincerity is heckin’ cringe.

The Web of Wyrd's avatar

Going out in nature to be wed is literally only choice, how could anyone think the big box aesthetic of American church’s is a decent vibe for Union?

John, Son of Dick's avatar

Yup. As an Orthodox Christian, if a wedding isn’t done in an Orthodox Church then a couple may as well pick the nicest looking place because that’s all that matters.

The Web of Wyrd's avatar

It’s difficult for me to detect if this is sarcasm or genuine, truly so forgive me. I don’t think aesthetics is the most important thing but nature is the house of God, more so than a sad strip mall next to a Dunkin’. It’s not so much because it’s pretty it’s because it’s the closest place to undisturbed creation.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

I would contest the Orthodox Church is the house of God, and the new Garden which is the physical location where we are given the highest access to God.

Protestant Churches don’t allow for that, nor are their weddings sacramental anyway so God doesn’t matter more than mere lip service. So for the average non-Orthodox or Catholic wedding in America, vibes are the highest priority since there’s no substance behind it more than a change in legal status.

The Web of Wyrd's avatar

It’s interesting that you are assuming that all weddings in the US are some Abrahamic denomination.

I’m pretty sure Eastern Orthodoxy views Shinto as Logos Spermatikos, marriage traditionally takes place outdoors among Kami, which is Life Force, the Japanese understanding of the divine. Shinto is translating into American animism at this point. I’d argue the institution of union can’t be trademarked by one institution. This is the issue I see in Christianity, the literal interpretation trumps any other perennial truths in other depictions of the divine.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

I’m not assuming it; I’m aware there are those who are completely outside the realm of the Christian faith. I just don’t care about them and think they are retarded

The Web of Wyrd's avatar

So your ancestors who existed prior to Christianity….?

Non-College Educated White's avatar

I’m 50/50 on this one

On the one hand I agree completely that the vast majority of modern weddings, which completely lack anything resembling the sacramental nature of marriage in the Christian tradition, has resulted in a general devaluation of marriage. Weddings should be joyous, yes, but there needs to also be a sense of reverence. It is a balance between the two. Those pranks you listed have absolutely no place at a wedding ceremony.

On the other, though, I think that focusing on them all as a “male humiliation ritual” isn’t quite right. Many of the pranks listed seem to be on both the bride and groom equally: the lost ring, the fake cake drop, the groom’s arrest, the fake emergency, for example. Any of those could be a prank on the bride by the groom, a prank on the groom by the bride, or a prank on the couple by the groomsmen, it just depends on who is “in the know”.

The “first look” and “garter belt” ones, those are 100% on the groom and I agree with you that no man in their right mind would ever participate in them- but I don’t know if they can be considered a humiliation ritual in most cases, because the individuals doing these seem to not find them embarrassing. I’ve never seen these done in person, of course, but I can imagine the kind of people who do them, and they tend to not have a sense of shame. It more seems to be an aspect of a decrepit society where that is considered normal and funny, and not so much a humiliation ritual since that, by definition, requires the victim to feel humiliated. And I just don’t think that humiliation is part of the thought process for any of those individuals.

John, Son of Dick's avatar

I agree that I don’t know how much of it intentionally humiliation; I have heard from people involved that the grooms tend to not actually like it but play along for the sake of not ruining the experience.

When I examine it through the lens of the humiliation ritual, I’m looking at the degradation of men by society generally as humiliation of masculinity; not necessarily in every particular instance, which I absolutely agree, many men don’t find humiliating in the moment. So it’s shameful to men as a whole at the hands of feminism, but we have definitely been so thoroughly conditioned that we don’t feel the indignation that we ought to at the time.

Daniel's avatar

Her party, her marriage. Her house and kids. Girls just wanna have fun, after all..

mzlizzi's avatar

“ But what groom in their right mind would laugh at such a thing?”

A groom with Stockholm syndrome.